Help me remodel this house #ToTheEdge [14 BEFORE PICS]

By  | May 30, 2015 |  Comments | Filed under: Design

We finally got keys yesterday! You may recall my family of five moved across the country to L.A. from Chicago about five months ago. It meant renting at first and I lamented, loudly, with tears like a toddler, having to pay someone else’s mortgage. I got over it. It turned out I really liked our rental house, so I unpacked all our tchotchkes and made a house a home. Then . . . my landlord suddenly needed her house back. What? So the hubs and I went shopping and bought our dream home.

It’s not everyone’s dream home. Yet.

I got this house at a steal because no one could see beyond its flaws but me. It was like a little kitty crying in the dumpster, “please ride a demolition tractor around on my tile! Also, my blue carpet really hurts!”. So I scooped the poor little thing off the real estate market and I’ll be bottle-feeding it for the next three years (maybe five) (maybe ten) (maybe forever – seriously, it needs some love).

A reiteration of my disdain for the gray trend: Why is everything gray in the decorating world right now?

EVERYTHING is gray. Everything. You know a trend has hit maximum speed when the entire Restoration Hardware store looks like it has been covered in gray gauze. Literally no object in that store right now is not another color mixed with gray. You walk around feeling like you have cataracts. I like a little sunshine.

You know, there are other neutrals besides gray and beige. What about stark, bright, intentional, textured white? Bye, gray.

My new house is going to BURST with color! Black floors! Sharp white walls! Crazy wallpaper! Spray paint! Jade green! Canary yellow! Long hair, don’t care, I’m ready to shed this gray fixation everyone has and go forth into a bright future. Who’s with me?

Now for pics of the new house. I’m fiddling around with a new phone today called the Sharp AQUOS Crystal (Hi, this is a sponsored post – how am I doing with my first one?). The AQUOS Crystal has a better camera than my iPhone, so I brought it along to take these before pics. It’s cool – the screen goes to the edge of phone (an “edgeless screen” if you will), so you get 5-inch screen but a smaller footprint. Why do people want these ginormo phones all of a sudden? I will never understand the iPhone 6 Plus. It’s the George Costanza wallet of phones. Zach Morris can stay proud of those geeks, but I want a phone that fits in a cute purse. Anyway.

The pictures!


We had a Frozen dance party. The house has a sound system, but it only takes CDs. Awesome-ish!


We are one with the wind and SKKYYYYy-eye-eyyyyyyye


I should keep this a dance floor right? Let me just destroy that marble tile with my bare hands first. Stay tuned on Facebook. I take my first swipe this morning.


One day, I will Pinterest the hell out of this fireplace.


We’re not moving in until June 6, but we had dinner there last night anyway. Del Taco is so good, I might serve it for Thanksgiving. #NotSponsored #JustFat


Judge me that my child is drinking from a Big Gulp, but it is only water. I might give her a bath in it. Also please note the laminate floors that I will peel up with my own manicure ASAP. I hate laminate almost as much as I hate carpet which is almost as much as I hate greige. Woah, that was like Dante’s Inferno of interior decorating.


Guess what’s getting my hammer? That soffit.


Those swaggy window treatments will be repurposed for a 1980’s wedding cake. #upcycle


Don’t get too comfy, kids. Mom’s about to rip that up and have it all stained dark.


Oh look, a place for me to kill my plants.


Family room, full of Satan’s flooring. Seriously, I’d rather have carpet than laminate and that is really saying something.


Yay! I have a place for all my video tapes and analog television! BUILT RIGHT IN. #firewood


This blue carpet holds a lot of stories. And dander, probably. Maybe crumbs. Lost toenails. Maybe I should bathe the kids.


My bicep makes a cameo to say BYE, CARPET OF THE SEA.

The people behind the Sharp AQUOS Crystal want to see your edge too. To find out more about the device and its rad display, stunning sound (fun fact: it has Harmon Kardon Clari-fi technology, which is the brand they use in fancy German cars #TheMoreYouKnowStar), visit #totheedge and #AQUOSCrystal on Instagram and Facebook. If they like your photo, they’ll feature it on the site. Get famous, you.

Screen Shot 2015-05-30 at 9.33.09 PM

Want more? Subscribe! Join over 700 people who are too lazy to remember to find this page again and subscribe to this blog. No spam, opt-out whenever. Look for me in your junk folder twice a week:

Email Subscriber

Still miss me?

Allow me to mildly entertain you on The High Gloss & Sauce Facebook page I’ll tweet when I’m in the mood @HighGlossSauce

Agree? Or punch me in the face?